I know some of you have already gone through this so any advice you can offer those of us struggling now (or soon) with these fears would be greatly appreciated!
I am looking for a daycare/preschool for my 2 year old. I actually found one I like already. It’s a home daycare. It has very small ratios, seems like a nurturing environment with lots of safety gates and age appropriate toys. My daughter will get lots of attention and socialization. So what is stopping me from making the call and securing the spot?
Having worked in child care, I know how to make the transition, take care of a child I do not know well, form a relationship with them. Now that I am a mom I have a completely different point of view. I am not sure I understand how any family I ever worked for left their children with me. I had excellent references, I had first aid/CPR, tons of experience, an education….but I was a total stranger!!!!
So how do you get through it? How do you leave your child and trust that they will be OK and still be there when you return? As a mom, I do not know. As a nanny and child care worker I can give some advice…so I am giving this advice to myself as I write and I am sharing it with all of you in hopes that it will ease the pain of putting your child in another person’s care. The logical, child care worker portion of my brain will now try to talk some sense into the mom part.
Mom: What if she gets hurt or sick? As a mom you think of the horrible things that could happen to a child. You hear the stories and your heart breaks for the moms of babies or children that get hurt. You just can’t dwell on it. You can not let yourself think of every bad thing that could happen to your child or you will not enjoy their life or yours. So what do you do?
Caregiver: It could happen, there is no denying that. Be prepared! I am CPR/first aid certified I know where the nearest hospital is and know I can always call 911. I have your child’s doctor information and a consent to oversee your child’s care in your absence, your phone number and another emergency contact. All bases are covered and we have a plan.
Mom: Won’t she miss me? You don’t know how to feed, comfort, sooth, put her down for a nap, make her smile, etc…the way I do?
Caregiver: As hard as this is to hear, it is harder on you then it is on them! Most children, even if they are hysterical when you leave are fine 10 minutes after you are gone. Once you are out of sight they find a way to comfort and/or distract themselves. They realize that there are friends to play with, new and exciting things to explore and fun to be had. That should make you feel good as a parent…yes, you want them to miss you, and they do, but you also want them to gain independence and explore the world without you. So remind yourself that they are making friends and having fun and that it is a great thing for them. And cherish that moment when you come back and they are so excited to see you and tell you about their amazing day!
It’s true, I am not a replacement for mom. I will not do everything exactly the same way, but isn’t that partially the point of placing your child in someone else’s care. To help them gain some independence from you and learn how to cope with situations on their own. Your child will adjust to having things done differently while they are away from you and they will be fine.
Mom: Will she be there when I get back? This is the most irrational of my fears by far! I’m not talking kidnapped, though of course the thought crosses my mind, but more just gone! I don’t have as many of these moments now, but when my daughter was a baby I’d put her in the car to go out to run errands and she’d fall asleep. She’d be so quiet and of course, rear facing so I couldn’t see her and I would have to strain to get a glimpse of the top of her head or her foot or something. It was like if she were out of my sight she could simply vanish. Like the whole experience of becoming a mother were a dream. This is how the idea of leaving her at daycare feels.
Caregiver: You are mom…your child will be so excited to see you when you get back! This fear will subside once you have been through a couple days of daycare and you see how your child has made friends and had fun!
While I am still battling with this, I know the day will come soon where I will need to give myself up to the logic and the rational argument that my daughter will be happy and healthy and will thrive in daycare, preschool, high school and eventually college. I will let you know how that first day goes…
